Merry Christmas, Pastor - Part 3

Gift #3 – The Gift of Friendship

Everybody needs friends, but for some reason people don’t perceive that pastors have this same need.  No admittedly, some pastors have promoted this idea by separating themselves from their congregations and developing close friendship exclusively with other pastors, but it is important to note that this is found nowhere in Scripture.

Pastors need friends.  God made us to be social creatures.  He wants us to have fellowship with Him as well as other believers, specifically believers of the local church.  We see this in Acts 2:42, “And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.”  We see no separation into classes of Christians.  Different offices? Yes! Different classes? No!  If you were told that you couldn’t develop friendships with people of different financial means simply because you make too much/too little money you would be offended and rightly so.  If you were told that someone couldn’t be friends with you because you are to low or high on the social ladder, again, you would be greatly offended.  Why, then, do we put that same expectation on pastors and keep them at arm’s length?  Pastors need fellowship within the church just as much as anyone else.

I am thankful for the group of men that I have the privilege to meet with every other week.  We hold each other accountable (yes, me too!) and encourage each other in the faith.  We share our problems and burdens.  It saddens me when I realize that not every pastor has that privilege.

What do I mean by friendship?  Here are four things that the Book of Proverbs says about friendship.

1.      Friendship is proven in the hard times.  It is easy to have friends when times are good.  During the good times we are popular, everyone is happy and life is good.   Who wouldn’t be a friend?  The reality is, however, that true friendship is only revealed in the midst of trials and adversity.  When times are rough and your life seems to be disintegrating, when people have risen up against you, it is at these times that you find out two things.  1) Who is my friend? And, 2) Am I a true friend?  Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”  A true friend is always there for you.  He always loves you and he won’t leave just because times are hard.

Pastors, all pastors, go through difficult times with their congregations.   It is those times when the pastor finds out whether or not he has any true friends.  All too often his “friends” and “supporters” sit on the sidelines while the jackals are trying to tear him to pieces.  Instead of getting into the fray to help and defend the pastor, as a friend would, they sit back and then after a brutal beating come with ‘words of comfort’ like “I’m with you pastor.” Or, “We support you pastor.” All the while, keeping silent and never lifting a finger as he is being assaulted.  If you would be a friend to your pastor, don’t let him stand alone.  Get in the fight and defend him.  The aid you give in the fight in defending him will do so much more that the first aid you give him after he has been emotionally and spiritually wounded.

2.      The ties of a true friend are stronger than family bonds.   Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”  Too often people feel the need to defend family rather than truth when sin in practice and sinful attitudes are being dealt with.  When this happens the pastor is often confronted with not only having to deal with a particular person’s sin, but often finds himself abandoned by his ‘friend’ because they feel the need to be loyal to their family member.  What about loyalty to truth?  What happened to loyalty to God’s Word?  Why is the blood tie between blood relatives stronger that the sacred blood ties created by the blood of Jesus Christ?  If you would be a friend to your pastor stand by him when he is dealing with your family and their sin.

3.      A true friend will correct his friend, even when it is hard and may seem hurtful.  All too often friendships are dissolved because on dared correct his friend.  Interestingly enough, Proverbs 27:6 addresses this and reveals that with friendship must sometimes come pain.  It says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”   Pastors, like everyone else, need to be made aware of their blind spots.  We are not above correction and, in fact, must be open to legitimate correction.  I have seen where people have seen a blind spot in me and let it go to the point where it became a legitimate problem because they were afraid of hurting me.  Believe me when I tell you, finding out that they saw this and let me continue was FAR more painful than the actual correction was or would have been.

4.      A true friend will make you a better Christian, a better citizen and a better person.  Proverbs 27:17 tells us, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”  A friend will sharpen, or make better, the person to whom he is a friend.   Friends don’t let friends wallow in self-pity.  Friends don’t let friend sin with impunity.  Friends don’t let friends continue in weakness.  Friends don’t let friends believe a lie. Friends work with each other to lift each other up, to help each other through hard times.  Yes, they give us a shoulder to cry on when times are hard, but they are also there to tell us it is time to get over it and to move on.  They lift us and carry us if necessary, all the while, helping us grow stronger in body and in spirit.  They will challenge us to draw closer to God, to be more biblical in our thinking, even if it seems hurtful or mean.

Pastors need all of these things in a friend.  As a pastor, I need to know that it is OK for me to be Mike and not ‘Pastor Mike’ all of the time.  I need to be able to be open and vulnerable with some without the worry of it being held against me.  I need to know that there are people in the congregation who want me to succeed in God’s eyes, even if they don’t like the direction God is leading and support His will without attacking me.  I need to know that at least some people will correct me in love and not try to kick me out because I am human.  I believe that there are many other pastors out there that need this as well.